I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
