I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
