Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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