You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
