wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
