I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
