I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
