he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
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last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
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My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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