This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
