I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
