OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
