Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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