Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
