There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
