I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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