The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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