Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
