I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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