he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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