This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
