Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
