What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
