i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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