Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize