He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
soo... how was my night?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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