my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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