Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
