I wanna passion pit in your ass
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
