Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
