Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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