So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
