This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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