; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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