But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
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I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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