Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize