Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize