In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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