Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Umm I'm too high to move.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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