Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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