i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
