it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
