Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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