im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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