it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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