Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize