Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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