so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
