Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
