There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
