yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize