Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
