I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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