I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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