There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
