tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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