i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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