You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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