my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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