YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
