So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
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Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
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I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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