I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
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I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
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Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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