some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
