drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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